Those would be the three ways I have sucked this week.
Mentally: My Wednesday class starts at two. I know this. All classes here start on the hour. But I’m driving down the highway at 1:40 happily thinking I’ll have almost an hour to eat lunch, review what we’re doing in class, and settle in, because class is at 2:30. Figuring that out was not enjoyable. Instead of eating the nice sandwich I actually took the time to make for myself at home, I had to stuff a Kashi bar in my face before class so I’d get through it without keeling over from low blood sugar. Needless to say, it wasn’t my most cohesive class (especially since I’d forgotten my whiteboard markers and I am congenitally attached to the board, scribbling on it at every opportunity. A class once told me I should be a high school teacher because of this).
Morally: When I pulled into the parking garage on Wednesday, I could not find an open space. (I think I hit the time when all the law students converge for class.) There are, however, spaces reserved for participants in the U recreation programs. And I am one of those. So I whipped out my recreation parking pass and swapped it for the adjunct pass hanging on my rearview mirror. Now, it’s true that I was actually going to participate in a recreation activity that evening. But it was still a little shady.
Physically: So, said recreation program? I’m taking skating lessons. Can I tell you that I suck at skating? I’d thought I’d be okay because when I was 18 I could skate around pretty easily. Reminder to self: EIGHTEEN WAS A LONG TIME AGO. So, yeah, I suck. (How do I suck, you ask? Because I don’t have a particularly great
sense of balance, because I’m too stiff and awkward to bend my knees as
the instructor keeps urging me to do, and because I’m all-around an unathletic person, and since most of my exercise in recent years has been walking, I don’t have any muscle memory of how to do anything at all like this. Thankfully the teacher is very patient.)
But you know the thing about that last variety of suckitude? I feel like it’s actually good for me. I am way too used to being the person in the room who knows everything (at least at it relates to the subject under discussion), and it’s way too long since I’ve tried to learn something I’m not naturally good at.
This week I (again) underestimated how long it would take me to get to the rink, I came from different place than last week so had to ask for directions at the gym, and then had to walk through the exercising fiends to get where I needed to be. (Tangent: it turns out that this gym has a whole bank of treadmills, ellipticals, and various weight machines right next to the entrance. As in, you’re toddling away on the treadmill five feet from the person who’s waiting at the desk to get their card swiped. As in, you’re right in front of the huge plate glass window that flanks the entrance, which looks out onto one of the busy university paths. Can you say goldfish bowl? Can I just say I would never willingly exercise in such a location??) I was kind of frazzled and kind of hungry, and just kept thinking, Why am I doing this? I don’t enjoy this. Maybe I’ll just stop. And I had to remind myself that while I really hope none of my students feel that badly about my class, the college experience – given its very nature as a learning experience – inevitably entails feeling like you suck at something, not enjoying it, and wanting to stop. The point is not that you suck, but that you figure out how to deal with it.
So I will put up with sucking at skating. But this time I will practice before next week’s class.
New Kid on the Hallway 
Hey, I’m impressed that you’re taking skating! I would never do that (well, it would probably be a bad idea with my bad ankle anyhow). SO and I have been walking about 3 miles 3 times a week, but that’s not exactly challenging myself to do something new.
I learn one new skill every year. It reminds me of being a learner. Now it’s yoga. Last year it was racquetball. I chose these because I’m not as physically active as I should be, and also because I suck at anything requiring physical coordination. I think it gives me good empathy with students who are good at physical but struggle with mental tasks.
And I had to remind myself that while I really hope none of my students feel that badly about my class, the college experience – given its very nature as a learning experience – inevitably entails feeling like you suck at something, not enjoying it, and wanting to stop. The point is not that you suck, but that you figure out how to deal with it.
/nodding vigorously/
This kind of empathy and understanding is part of being a good teacher, so it’s no surprise to see this on your blog. Thanks for the reminder.
I’m pushing up against that I-really-suck-at-this feeling a lot these days and having to remind myself over and over that resistance happens where growth needs to happen.
Of course, once a gal comes to grips with that, she still has to figure out whether she’s taking on too much all at once or really wants to give the time and energy it’ll take to grow in that particular direction, anyway. But that’s another story.
By the way, seems to me that the schedule-forgetting problem is probably part of learning your way around a new system at a new place, which just takes a little time. And I honestly don’t think the parking situation you described is morally questionable at all. It’s just resourceful–after all, your taking an empty recreation space meant that one more law student found a regular one. 😉
I like the idea of trying to learn something one’s not naturally good at. It’s been too long since I did that – though I think I’ll skip ankle-intensive activities like skating. And I agree with AW, you’re a resourceful parker.
I admire the variety of your suckitude. Way to go!
But you are really doing great to keep going to the gym, even if you hate it. I have been riding my bike to work almost every day instead of taking the bus. It’s 3.5 miles each way if I take the flat route, or 3 if I take the hilly route. That, and yoga once a week, is the sum total of my physical activity. I shudder to think what’s going to happen when winter comes and I can’t ride anymore. I’ll probably turn into a huge blob. But hopefully, a huge blob with a book.
I think you should definitely congratulate yourself on taking skating lessons!