Random bullets of self-sabotage

• I cannot seem to make myself go to bed at what is a reasonable hour given that I really do have to get up by 6:15 to get to work on time. (Pause to note this post’s time stamp…) I can’t even blame it on having work to do at home like I used to when I was a professor; now the work I have to do at home is actual home-related stuff, like laundry and dishes. Have I mentioned I suck at doing that stuff recently? Funnily enough when I shared a kitchen, even though with my husband, mess bothered me – now I can let it go for days. I guess I only mind either other people’s messes, or how messes look to other people. Even without doing that stuff, I stay up too late.

• I have been spending way too much time on sample sale and other discount sites online. I had been only vaguely aware of these things before this fall, when I responded to interview stress not by actually PREPARING, but by trying to make sure I had THE perfect suit/top/shoes/bag/jewelry/hose/suitcase.I should add that none of the results were perfect in the sense of achieving some Platonic ideal, but they worked for me, so that was a relief. But in the process of working that all out, I stumbled on lots of places to buy really nice things less expensively. The problem is that the more I look at these sites, the more I think, “Hey, that bag’s 50% off – that’s a truly EXCELLENT deal!” Which, of course, it is – except that full price, the bag’s $600 and I don’t exactly have $300 to drop on a bag, even when it is a really really great deal. (Some of these sites have couture-ish stuff and I find myself looking at bags that retail for $1000+, marked down to like $600-something. Yes, self, that is an excellent price for a YSL bag, but no, that doesn’t mean you can afford it. Not that I actually have the slightest interest in a YSL bag, but you know, advertising works precisely because the more you look at stuff, the more stuff you want.) It’s sort of amusing how strongly you can think, It’s SUCH a great deal, I really SHOULDN’T pass it up! even when you know the prices are outside your budget. (I should add that it’s not the crazy-priced YSL etc. stuff that tempts me, just the stuff that’s about one level above what I’d usually spend, which seems so REASONABLE when it’s on massive discount.) What’s frustrating isn’t even the spending – I have been pretty frugal – as much as the amount of time I waste looking at items which I think are sort of kind of maybe plausible, until I come to my senses and realize I still can’t afford them – I’m closer, but clothes-buying isn’t horseshoes.

• That said: I bought a suit. (Sssshhhh, don’t tell.) It was crazy cheap for a decent brand suit (<$150 for both pieces) and if it works I will love it to death. So cross your fingers for me. (And hey, next year I’m finally going to have one of those lawyer jobs that requires wearing suits, so I better start collecting some now, right? Right?)

3 thoughts on “Random bullets of self-sabotage

  1. Absolutely right. If you are going to be a lawyer who ever appears in court, you need suits. And if you’re going to wear suits, they should be good.

  2. Of course, but this is the girl with a pair of Manolo’s and LLouboutin’s in her closet, plus an Armani suit! And, I’m not going to mention the designer handbag collection.

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